Workshop by Zoë Brigley | Social media compiled and article written by Frances Turpin
Welcome to Overcoming Rejection, a series focused on dealing with the worst but most inescapable part of being a writer. In June 2022, we asked our friends on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram what the best advice they could give to someone who’s work had been rejected would be. This series is a collection of that advice, as well as some insights and thoughts from the Poetry Wales team.
Poetry Wales editor Zoë Brigley has written an ‘Overcoming Rejection’ workshop to accompany this series, which you can download here:
In this first post, we want to start off by focusing inwards on the negative emotional repercussions of having work returned by an editor or publication. As Stuart McPherson said:
“Remember that it’s ok to feel. As writers we know that rejection is part of writing. However, this doesn’t mean to say that we should disregard difficult feelings. Rejection is difficult. Take good self-care, remember it will pass. Put this energy back into writing passionately.”
Stuart McPherson | @theeabsentee
We’ll talk about using the energy of rejection to fuel our writing in a future post; for now, let’s focus on self-care.
The First 24 Hours
When we asked our community online how they deal with rejection, a number of people brought up the same approach for coping with the immediate feelings that surface when you first hear back on your submission: giving your feelings a time limit:
“A friend of mine who’s a stand-up comedian says after a good show, you can feel great about yourself for an hour. Drink champagne, eat your favourite pizza, the works. And after a bad show, where they didn’t laugh, or people walked out, and you were mortified, you can spend an hour sulking. Cry, ring your mum, angry text your ex. But either way, you only get an hour. I think that’s a good approach to all creative endeavours. With poetry, I let myself sulk, feel it, but give myself a time limit (usually a couple of days). Then I draw a line under it, mark it red on the spreadsheet, and start again.”
Kat Dixon via Facebook
“I indulge it. I cry, rant, get drunk. But only for 24 hours. After that I examine the rejection for any lessons. Was it fair? Could I have tried harder? Or was it not for me anyway? Then it goes in a ‘drawer’ and I try not to revisit it. Which isn’t always easy – but something else always comes along!”
Catrin Kean via Facebook
File Them Away
The idea of compiling your rejections (and acceptances) came up a few times: Will Smith suggested to Polly Atkin that:
“’you could also label [rejections] ‘archive to sell to the library in future ie. future profit’ ? Maybe a stretch for most of us, but looking at your rejection pile as an archive of your writing life is definitely helpful.”
Will Smith | @likewinterblue
Rowan (@rowanlyster) has a success folder which she also uses for “rejections that come with personalised positive feedback/shortlisting – close calls are frustrating but still progress!”, which we think is a great idea. Another great idea is using your acceptances (and close calls) file to self-soothe: Jane Campbell (@maj_ikle) says “I file them, in a rejections file, where I never visit. If I feel down though I do visit the acceptances file and rub my tummy.”
Everybody Hurts
But what if you don’t have any acceptances – yet – to use as a salve for your rejection? Another theme that kept coming up in your responses to our call-out for advice was the reminder that, at one point or another, every writer gets rejected. We all know the story of the now-world famous writer who’s manuscript was rejected by a hundred different publishers, or the one editor who missed out on the next bestseller – it may feel glib, but it’s true: nobody (no, not even them) got lucky on the first try. As Beth Copeland put it:
“Rejection is a writer’s rite of passage. Every published writer has had work rejected many, many times. Don’t take it personally. (I know-easier said than done, but if you persevere, it gets easier.)”
Beth Copeland via Facebook
It may sometimes feel like you’re the only writer not finding a home for your work, but as S Reeson reminds us:
“The internet is often a dangerously warped lens when it comes to success and failure. Sometimes, all it seem to show is people doing better than you are. The truth, in many cases, is the exact opposite. People don’t show failure because, for so many, to fail is seen as weakness.”
S Reeson | @InternetofWords
Polly Atkin reckons that:
“The writing life is approx. 90% rejection, and most of the time it’s not about you – it’s about fit, numbers, chance. Be honest with yourself & your work. If you still stand by your artistic choices after rejection, keep sending it out until it finds its place.”
Polly Atkin | @pollyrowena
William Dean Ford echoes this sentiment:
“Even those who have become used to receiving acceptances may occasionally find themselves reading the dreaded words ‘…not quire what we are looking for at this time,’ so the main thing is to keep going, keep learning, keep writing.”
William Dean Ford via Facebook
You Have To Feel It
As with every disappointment in life, there’s only really one way to deal with rejection: you have to work through your feelings about it. In a comment on our Facebook post, Dai George said that:
“The rejections that have felt dysfunctional to me are those where I’ve tried to keep a stiff upper lip only to let it fester and ruin my week,” going on to add “if all rejections make you feel that bad then it’s not sustainable – something’s a little off, and you might need to reflect on why that is. It’s not worth feeling crap all the time – none of this is.”
Dai George via Facebook
Ultimately, the most important thing to do is be kind to yourself. As Jane Burn says:
“give yourself a pat on the back-you are a poet, after all, and it’s not the sort of job everyone would want. Oh, and have a great big cup of tea. Remember that you are one of the millions of pebbles on the beach.”
Jane Burn | @JaneBurn14
Do you have any coping strategies for releasing rejection? Let us know in the comments below. The Overcoming Rejection series was created from the collaborative work of our community, and we want it to continue to be a growing source of advice and comfort.
A huge diolch yn fawr to all of the community members whose words have made their way into this post!
More in this series
