“It’s therefore frustration that compelled me to write this poem, and a desire to illuminate how deeply compassion can be felt even when it’s not always immediately apparent”
Double-Empathy Problem
She opens the cupboard,
stalls. Carefully selects the bowl used least this past week,
winces as she tears the seal off the new soya milk
and is pulled in twenty conflicting directions.
She sits on the sofa; feels pity for the chair.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe that there’s nothing
there, emotions coursing through curtains and plants,
every book on the shelf. Hard to believe
doctors question if she relates to anyone else.
Notes
The Double-Empathy Problem argues that communication breakdown between autistic and non-autistic people is a two-way issue due to different ways of experiencing the world. Its name, coined by researcher Damian Milton, reframes the misconception that autistic people have impaired theory of mind or are unable to display empathy.
I am blown away by how you incorporate sound into this poem. Is this something you actively consider when writing, or do you find sound appears of its own volition?
I wish I could say I actively consider sound when writing, but I tend to find it emerges accidentally. In this case, I suspect it’s helped by the “tearing” of a seal and the “coursing” of emotions. When writing ‘Double-Empathy Problem’, I wanted to not only challenge negative stereotypes around autistic peoples’ ability to empathise, but to highlight their often overly-intense sensory world. Here, even inanimate objects can be experienced as having feelings that require taking into consideration, something that is less of a thought and more of a physiological perception of emotions vibrating or pulsating through everything. If this idea of vibration comes through the poem in its use of sound, then I’m happy! I also wanted to draw attention to episodes where things become so overwhelming that pausing is necessary, as takes place in the first couplet. Here, I hoped to depict a moment of hesitation and relative quiet, or at least an attempt at stilling one’s surroundings and sensory landscape.
Damian Milton coined the Double-Empathy Problem fairly recently, it seems. How did you come across Milton’s argument and what emotions do you recall moving you to write?
Yes, the double-empathy problem is a relatively recent concept. Damian Milton is an autistic academic who coined the term in 20121. He argues that autistic and non-autistic people experience and express empathy differently, and that communication difficulties arise as a result of this mismatch – it is not simply the case that autistics lack empathy altogether. In fact, many experience hyperempathy and extend this towards people, animals, plants and objects.
Over the past decade or so, research surrounding autism has shifted dramatically, particularly with the neurodiversity movement and a growing understanding of how autism presents differently in those assigned female at birth. This has led to a lot of positive developments, including conceptualising autism as a neurodevelopmental difference instead of disorder, recognition of the validity of self-diagnosis, and increased provision of workplace adaptations. Unfortunately, despite this general trend, some negative attitudes persist, including within statutory mental health services that are stretched beyond belief. This is something I’ve both experienced first-hand and witnessed with loved ones. Being perceived as difficult, unfeeling or lacking in some way when this is so at odds with one’s lived experience is a sheer injustice that has rippling effects on self-esteem and social confidence. It’s therefore frustration that compelled me to write this poem, and a desire to illuminate how deeply compassion can be felt even when it’s not always immediately apparent.
The last line breaks away from the couplets present in the rest of the poem, isolating the misconceptions which the poem combats. How did you go about deciding to write in couplets for this poem? Were there other forms you had considered but didn’t end up using?
I decided on this form from the outset, including the final single line. I wanted the poem to be succinct; to briefly describe a range of (perhaps unusual) things towards which empathy is felt, and contrast this with an outside judgment that empathy towards others is limited. Couplets seemed an effective way of doing this, as I could build a short list of items and corresponding feelings before turning this on its head by breaking with the preceding structure. I wanted to emphasise how often professionals’, or other outsiders’ judgments are taken as the final word, even when there is a considerable case against them. To me, this is what can hurt the most, as it involves being unheard. Hopefully, my poem sheds light on this dynamic and encourages respect and open-mindedness towards experiences of autism.
- Milton, D.E.M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society, 27(6), 883-887. ↩︎
J.S. Dorothy
J.S. Dorothy (they/them) is a neurodivergent poet and PhD candidate. Their work has appeared in publications such as The Guardian, Poetry Wales, Pennine Platform, The Frogmore Papers, Confluence and MONO, where they have been twice longlisted for the MONO Poetry Prize. They live in York with their wife and elderly rescue cat.
How I Write a Poem is our bi-monthly interview series digging in to the nitty-gritty of poetry writing. Explore the full series here.